Popular Posts
-
I started this blog with these melo-dramatic reasons from my first post : Now, what I like about blogging (/writing) boils down into thre... -
Previous parts here . And here . * * * I thought I understood her, Lilly. I thought everything was clear in that afternoon in the pl...
-
"The point is you can't trust graduation goggles. They are just as misleading as beer goggles, bridesmaid goggles and that'... -
First part here . And there's the day when everything changed: “I'm pregnant.” It was a weekday morning before we get off to w...
-
Dear Lilly, it had only been months that I knew Suzanne when you came into my life. It was September; I was on my way to the coffee shop...
-
Flipped is a young adult love story, it was simple and simplicity can be very charming at times but the film was dragging for the most par...
-
The world is full of good vibes. Even in this tiring week. We celebrated independence day by taking Devon to the vet, had him xray-ed, an...
-
I welcomed June in Ace Water Spa with J and 2 of my best friends from college. We first had an overnight at our house, me playing the hos...
-
There are times when it's harder climbing down. When you really want something, when you’re willing to sacrifice a lot to get it, I ...
August 5 – 13
In the end, it proved to be a good week, and the start of acknowledging responsibilities and finishing what ought to have been finished a long time ago.
For starters, I made my own version of cookie butter at home, for the mere fact that I’m not willing to shed 400 pesos for a spread alone. I used almonds and chocolate chips for this, and it ended well. I think it has a lot to improve though. I’m planning to use graham crackers in my next trial because that’s way cheaper than chips ahoy.
It’s a sad reality that most of our baggage is self-inflicted. Well, mine for one. I realized this last Tuesday, on the 6th, when I went down to just the basics, figuratively and literally if I may.
It felt light and free.
Currently, I’m on to my next writing project which will turn out to be my last as of the meantime: Allie
Because I needed to finish what I started more than 4 years ago. So I can stop displaying my quarter-life crisis every chance I get. For my dreams other than the first.
For the future.
In the end, it proved to be a good week, and the start of acknowledging responsibilities and finishing what ought to have been finished a long time ago.
For starters, I made my own version of cookie butter at home, for the mere fact that I’m not willing to shed 400 pesos for a spread alone. I used almonds and chocolate chips for this, and it ended well. I think it has a lot to improve though. I’m planning to use graham crackers in my next trial because that’s way cheaper than chips ahoy.
It’s a sad reality that most of our baggage is self-inflicted. Well, mine for one. I realized this last Tuesday, on the 6th, when I went down to just the basics, figuratively and literally if I may.
It felt light and free.
Currently, I’m on to my next writing project which will turn out to be my last as of the meantime: Allie
Because I needed to finish what I started more than 4 years ago. So I can stop displaying my quarter-life crisis every chance I get. For my dreams other than the first.
For the future.
July 28 – Aug 4
I do know that something’s wrong in my life right now, at age 25 and three months old. And I made steps to remedy that, I used to have three alternatives actually but they’re all gone now, and I’m a little back to square one except that I have a little more money and someone at work trusted a bigger responsibility on me.
I guess at 25 and 3 months old, I wasn’t a total loser that I sometimes think I am.
Nope, definitely not.
I am one optimistic bitch who don’t take No’s too easy.
Plus I’ve got sleeps in between lately that might just be the reason of this sudden positivity.
Last July 30, I treated my former officemate to a dinner. We ate at Brgr in Jupiter and made our own burger creations.
I also watched Before Midnight that weekend. I’ve actually been meaning to, I just didn’t realize that my sister already has a copy. I still like the 2nd one the most, Before Sunset, but it’s great to see and be updated with them after 9 years.
On August 2, we had a bridal shower for a college orgmate at Victoria Court. It was my first time to go there. Haha
And on the 4th, Cinemalaya! I’ve always been a Cinemalaya fan way back college and I always make an effort not to miss it. This year, J and I with some college friends watched Sana Dati and Ekstra, both of which got awards in the recent festival.
I like Ekstra more, getting to see Vilma Santos had always been a wonder; while Sana Dati’s illustrious and dreamy states are familiar and nicely done.
I do know that something’s wrong in my life right now, at age 25 and three months old. And I made steps to remedy that, I used to have three alternatives actually but they’re all gone now, and I’m a little back to square one except that I have a little more money and someone at work trusted a bigger responsibility on me.
I guess at 25 and 3 months old, I wasn’t a total loser that I sometimes think I am.
Nope, definitely not.
I am one optimistic bitch who don’t take No’s too easy.
Plus I’ve got sleeps in between lately that might just be the reason of this sudden positivity.
Last July 30, I treated my former officemate to a dinner. We ate at Brgr in Jupiter and made our own burger creations.
I also watched Before Midnight that weekend. I’ve actually been meaning to, I just didn’t realize that my sister already has a copy. I still like the 2nd one the most, Before Sunset, but it’s great to see and be updated with them after 9 years.
On August 2, we had a bridal shower for a college orgmate at Victoria Court. It was my first time to go there. Haha
And on the 4th, Cinemalaya! I’ve always been a Cinemalaya fan way back college and I always make an effort not to miss it. This year, J and I with some college friends watched Sana Dati and Ekstra, both of which got awards in the recent festival.
I like Ekstra more, getting to see Vilma Santos had always been a wonder; while Sana Dati’s illustrious and dreamy states are familiar and nicely done.
July 21 – 27
It’s so true that upon seeing that one wrong thing in a picture for the first time, the whole picture would start to fall apart. The gap would serve as a bridge to the other mistakes in the puzzle that wasn’t visible before, in fact even felt okay but how surprisingly contrived they feel now. And thus enter the concept of reality goggles, once I had it on, my corporate picture again turned gray.
In grayscale, I started noticing and acknowledging how lonely I really was and how the alternative can be way better. My next activities with J even fueled that now fact.
Last July 26, Globe sponsored a Wolverine screening, and they have a ticket to spare so lucky for me. I did crush on Hugh Jackman in his Les Miserables days so I could not pass on this one.
There, I felt the huge difference of working in Globe compared with ours that Friday afternoon. They were perky and lively, and leave office at 5 to watch a movie screening for free spells it all. It reminded me of my college days.
At work, I’ve often wondered if it’s possible, to actually be genuinely happy with your work and your co-workers that daily life at work wouldn’t be so much of a burden. And then I’ve seen that it can, and I continued to wallow in deep remorse of how cruel my work-life can be while stuck in a 2-hr feast on Hugh Jackman’s abs.
And on the 27th, I accompanied J in his badminton tournament sponsored by again, Globe where they won 2 matches out of 3. I am starting to realize how important in my given deteriorating state of mind that I find a hobby.
I don’t do sports. I’ve sworn to jog around the Triangle after work and even left workout clothes in my drawer but I did that only once I am so not proud. (But I really hope to, it’s just raining hard recently.) My main hobbies are reading books, watching movies and writing/blogging. But I feel that I needed more, something new in my life that is not work-wise because I seem to not have a big say on that no matter how hard I try.
Maybe I’m not meant to be happy at work; after all I’m happy with almost everything else besides.
It’s so true that upon seeing that one wrong thing in a picture for the first time, the whole picture would start to fall apart. The gap would serve as a bridge to the other mistakes in the puzzle that wasn’t visible before, in fact even felt okay but how surprisingly contrived they feel now. And thus enter the concept of reality goggles, once I had it on, my corporate picture again turned gray.
In grayscale, I started noticing and acknowledging how lonely I really was and how the alternative can be way better. My next activities with J even fueled that now fact.
Last July 26, Globe sponsored a Wolverine screening, and they have a ticket to spare so lucky for me. I did crush on Hugh Jackman in his Les Miserables days so I could not pass on this one.
There, I felt the huge difference of working in Globe compared with ours that Friday afternoon. They were perky and lively, and leave office at 5 to watch a movie screening for free spells it all. It reminded me of my college days.
At work, I’ve often wondered if it’s possible, to actually be genuinely happy with your work and your co-workers that daily life at work wouldn’t be so much of a burden. And then I’ve seen that it can, and I continued to wallow in deep remorse of how cruel my work-life can be while stuck in a 2-hr feast on Hugh Jackman’s abs.
And on the 27th, I accompanied J in his badminton tournament sponsored by again, Globe where they won 2 matches out of 3. I am starting to realize how important in my given deteriorating state of mind that I find a hobby.
I don’t do sports. I’ve sworn to jog around the Triangle after work and even left workout clothes in my drawer but I did that only once I am so not proud. (But I really hope to, it’s just raining hard recently.) My main hobbies are reading books, watching movies and writing/blogging. But I feel that I needed more, something new in my life that is not work-wise because I seem to not have a big say on that no matter how hard I try.
Maybe I’m not meant to be happy at work; after all I’m happy with almost everything else besides.
The news that came up last July 12 shocked my well-made plans. But the change was fully welcomed and I was more than happy to do some tweaks on plans A, B and C. The days that came after were all a breeze, I was on cloud nine and I couldn't really care less because I was right where I wanted to be.
The original plan ends me having a haircut, only after I made everything through, but after what happened, I figured my hair will be pretty long when I stick with that. So the next Sunday I had my haircut.
All I know is I wanted my hair short. And so I did, and the gay who cut my hair for a long thirty minutes did so too. I didn't really like how it turned out, I think it was shorter than what I actually wanted but I had a lot on my plate and sulking about it was not how I wanted to waste my time.
Come my next step of splurging on self: I bought a pair of office pants and a couple of little things. Thus the Sup Up Project.
The truth is I have no reasons to be lonely at this point. Even the week had its right load of unique awesomeness.
1. It was my first time to eat at Chicken Charlie, with J and my sister.
2. I got a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts for only P152! Never mind that I waited in line for more than an hour.
3. Pacific Rim with JACI is love.
4. And I had my #SocialLifeFix after a loooooong while. Unlimited chika with a good friend from college and lunch with 2 of my best friends from high school.
And I post this so I should remember that once, things seemed absolutely right.
The week of July 14 to 20 was such a busy and awesome week for me. I would suppose it could have lasted a while though. But it didn't.
It gone as fast as it came.
Because misery kills and therefore should not win me over,
here are 5 pretty little things for the week (July 7-13). I’ve been
meaning to make this a blog habit, and to be honest, I think I need this more
than ever because lately I’ve been one of them old pessimist rats.
I hope soon [not anymore].
… and I won’t tell them your
name.
I started the week like the old me, and downloaded new
finds/alternative songs, which in most days would suit my everyday temperament.
They weren’t really new songs, perhaps it was the first time that
I’ve heard of them. My recent favorites include: Breathless by BTE,
Everybody’s Changing by Keane, Human by The Killers, Name by Goo Goo
Dolls and Overjoyed by Matchbox 20.
Music-wise, I am so stuck in the 90s.
* * *
Burgers… How I so love burgers. I think this
fascination was fueled with that best-burger episode of How I Met Your Mother
(I miss them already!) and since then I’ve tried a string of burgers from
Maple, BRGR, Brother’s Burger, Crave and the immediate bestselling
burgers of the most popular fast foods in town.
So when I was a little depressed on Thursday, J decided to
bring me to Charlie’s. We ordered a Black Angus Burger (I forgot its
whole name). I loved it, the 240-peso burger made up for its size, and with a
depressed me I could eat the whole thing very easy. They also have a variety of
condiments available, and there’s mustard!
* * *
On Jogging.
Okay it embarrasses me to admit but I think this is the
first time I went for a jog this year. (Insert long sad face) I really should
come out more often than this. And I said that like a sweeping declaration, but
7 days later and I haven’t gone out for a run yet. Though in my defense, I
wasn’t feeling well lately.
and this Week’s Pick-Me-Ups.
This week’s pick-me-ups include Amici’s Choco Sansrival
and Starbucks’ Mocha Cookie Crumble care of their buy 1 take 1 promo. It
pains me to think that I need more and more pick-me-ups as time passes.
And last Saturday, we celebrated Papa’s birthday and
got him a cake. A whole round Sans Rival that I love.
It is a gloomy midweek morning and all I can think about is
it’s a good day to write.
The upcoming rain, the bed weather, the need to cuddle in a wool blanket or even just a black thick blazer, the smell of coffee which brings forth the promise of a productive day (but no, not work-wise) – do you have that too? Do you also associate coffee with a productive moment of writing?
And because I’m just clicking away in an overdrive.
Deviating thoughts: Whenever I try to will myself to write, I make myself a cup of smooth coffee latte at home (I made it up so its name may sound way better than the actual). It’s different than the coffee I make in the office, which is 3-in-1, fixed and easy to drink I can finish it in I think five minutes. At home, usually on Saturday mornings, with the security of a long undisturbed day, then I make my coffee. I’ll spend minutes in the kitchen heating water, finding the right cup, mixing nescafe, creamer and sugar, and then a little bit more nescafe because I always put just a little amount at the start. And I have my perfect coffee for at least half an hour.
Sometimes I’ll get the right words, sometimes just the good ones. Most often lately, none of them comes and I am left with a blank Word screen, its cursor blinking like hundreds of silent screams and my left brain murmurs the possibility of a more productive day studying stocks and actuarial notes.
But it’ll be okay, I say. I saved my perfect coffee for days gadammit.
You met me at a sad phase of my life. When everything I do seems like a contradiction.
This is the reason I will never pass actuarial exams in a cinch. This is the what when I said “what I wasn’t sure of with you”. This is the face, the one I was looking to flip when I turned my cards, every twenty-different of them and I couldn’t find what I was looking for.
I have three cards on my table now. Three last cards if I can be blunt, to emphasize the overwhelming reality of my situation.
Because the thing is, I will never be happy this way. No matter how I conceal in buying the things I want, or the weekly date nights, or the endless movie viewings. It doesn’t work that way anymore. It no longer comes in waves. It’s a constant feeling everyday, that the life you knew and would have wanted years before are so far away from reality. And at 25, that feeling peels away at any happy pills you’ve got left.
Fortunately, this is not me just ranting away. Because in between blinks, I know what I want, and I know the right thing to do. I’ve got three cards left, and I had everything betted on those three (literally up to the last strand of my hair), and I feel good about it.
There’s got to be more to this.
The upcoming rain, the bed weather, the need to cuddle in a wool blanket or even just a black thick blazer, the smell of coffee which brings forth the promise of a productive day (but no, not work-wise) – do you have that too? Do you also associate coffee with a productive moment of writing?
And because I’m just clicking away in an overdrive.
Deviating thoughts: Whenever I try to will myself to write, I make myself a cup of smooth coffee latte at home (I made it up so its name may sound way better than the actual). It’s different than the coffee I make in the office, which is 3-in-1, fixed and easy to drink I can finish it in I think five minutes. At home, usually on Saturday mornings, with the security of a long undisturbed day, then I make my coffee. I’ll spend minutes in the kitchen heating water, finding the right cup, mixing nescafe, creamer and sugar, and then a little bit more nescafe because I always put just a little amount at the start. And I have my perfect coffee for at least half an hour.
Sometimes I’ll get the right words, sometimes just the good ones. Most often lately, none of them comes and I am left with a blank Word screen, its cursor blinking like hundreds of silent screams and my left brain murmurs the possibility of a more productive day studying stocks and actuarial notes.
But it’ll be okay, I say. I saved my perfect coffee for days gadammit.
You met me at a sad phase of my life. When everything I do seems like a contradiction.
This is the reason I will never pass actuarial exams in a cinch. This is the what when I said “what I wasn’t sure of with you”. This is the face, the one I was looking to flip when I turned my cards, every twenty-different of them and I couldn’t find what I was looking for.
I have three cards on my table now. Three last cards if I can be blunt, to emphasize the overwhelming reality of my situation.
Because the thing is, I will never be happy this way. No matter how I conceal in buying the things I want, or the weekly date nights, or the endless movie viewings. It doesn’t work that way anymore. It no longer comes in waves. It’s a constant feeling everyday, that the life you knew and would have wanted years before are so far away from reality. And at 25, that feeling peels away at any happy pills you’ve got left.
Fortunately, this is not me just ranting away. Because in between blinks, I know what I want, and I know the right thing to do. I’ve got three cards left, and I had everything betted on those three (literally up to the last strand of my hair), and I feel good about it.
There’s got to be more to this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)