thinking april

I came across a blogger's post last weekend and I wanted to answer right away for a chance of a Belle De Jour planner but after reading her post entirely, I was more inspired to write a blog post than to comment and answer the contest question:

What have you realized in your life that is worth celebrating?

Of course, I am going to answer that since this serves as my entry to that contest but first let me tell you more about me.

I am a very positive person.
In my elementary graduation, when I thought of wanting to make a speech in front of everybody else, I never realized that thought will drive me to actually pursue it. In fact, when I was in the act of making that speech, only then did I remember that I have wanted that moment four years ago. You see, I am not only positive, but resolute as well.

When I was making my first big speech, I decided that it’s possible that my life is worth celebrating. Yes, sixteen years early in life, with a pending application for the premier university in college and a few close friends in my circle, it felt like my sweet young life couldn’t go wrong in every turn I take. It smelled of mangoes and cinnamons and pink butterflies are dancing in the air. You see, I am positive, resolute and young.

College’s not a breeze of course. I struggled with my academics and my pursuit to practice extracurricular activities as much as I practice my course. But I am not someone to be dissuaded. In fact, the more college life seemed difficult, the more I was challenged, and somehow I always manage to get myself through. That’s the beauty of one of my philosophies: in the end, life would be merry; if it’s not merry, it’s not yet the end. Do you believe in that?

Anyway, in my college graduation, together with thousands of scholars in white dresses and polo barongs, I stood there singing the UP Naming Mahal and dreaming. That’s my problem on being positive, I always dream (not literally though). I imagined greatness, beyond-ness and conquer-the-world kind of scenario. There also goes the problem on hearing graduation speeches; they feed you with too much positivity until…

I got a job and made every single wrong turn I skipped in my twenty years of a positive life. With the onset of my first job is the time where I doubted a lot of what I did before, even the successes. I questioned a lot of myself back then: my course, my ability, my relationships, my chosen field, even the things I was very proud of. It was heartbreaking, but the phase is definitely worth it.

Although I am certain of what I want to do in the long run, what I’m unsure of is how I will be able to do it. But knowing what I want in life, above all things, beats that heartbreaking phase where I came out more confident of myself.

Now, what have I realized in my life that is worth celebrating? Besides the significant people in my life, I think it is ME. Like me, the whole package: the positive, resolute and young; the I-smell-of-mangoes-and-cinnamons and ‘pink butterflies are dancing in the air’, the girl with the conquer-the-world scenarios in her head.

I may not be able to conquer the world of course, but I sure can do something big my way.

Cheers! :)