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It has always occurred to me that I'm missing something in my pursuit in passing actuarial exams. It wasn't quite obvious when I took the first two but when I sat on the third one, and failed twice, I knew there's a keypoint I wasn't grasping. 

My latest guess is I'm not inspired. 

It's not the I'm-not-inspired, I-need-a-boy-crush kind of thing. In fact, in the matters of the heart, I rate a screaming A.  I think it's the inspiration to learn this field that was bugging me all along.

So my latest attempt to cure my un-inspired path to actuarial science is --

A lifetime membership to UP Alumni Association
Maybe this isn't what I really need, or maybe I only need the annual membership; but suckit, being in UP feels great. And having to show a valid UP ID to the gatestoppers feels great, not to mention legal.

There, the first time I used my UP Alumni ID I knew exactly where to go to.

The UP Main Library Social Sciences Section, home to most of my solitary college moments.
Coming back was magnificent. The experience was homey and just as it was more than three years ago. The library felt the same, SocSci section felt the same, even my favorite spot of the long table felt the same, the comfort room even. I wished to find the comfort room to be at least a bit improved but to no avail.

I think the only difference I noticed was that the guard in the entrance now has a desk, unlike three years ago.

It was great to be back, the familiar smell of dusted old books and the coolness of the high-ceilinged library reminded me of the promise to learn, unceasingly.

I have to thank my HS experience for the saying I had never forgotten through these years.

“Never let your education interfere with your learning.”

And yes, this shall be my final push. Tell me, how many attempts are you willing to make before you know it’s time to give up?